Say "IMPETUS TO ACTION" one more time. Please. I dare you. Because I really haven't heard it enough.
Sometimes "the one that got away" is the one who pushed you away. And there is nothing you can do about it.
08/10/2013 - 1:19 PM
When blacks said slavery was bad. Women said sexism was bad. All these times people stood up against something that was so completely and utterly believed in, people thought they were crazy. I love religion. I brings people together but I don't believe in god. We have all of these rituals that make me so angry and make no sense. Why do we put our hands together when we pray? People say we do some things just because. And you do things because of faith. So for a person who does not have faith in god or a higher force, why is he or she looked down upon for not following these traditions as rituals? They are shunned and quieted. Makes me so angry!! I haven't had this perspective solely after college. I have always though this way at least somewhat subconsciously. I remember saying in 7th or 8th grade that "religion is bogus" and maybe lack for a better word, but I still believe in this. And I think. All of these things I have been taught in my 17 years of living by my parents and I am beginning to abandon these teachings. I am abandoning all of my values. So what have I learned from my parents who put effort into their every waking moment to teach me and love me. What was the point of the past 17 years? I also feel as though me going from extreme to extreme is very, very unhealthy. I am going from the extreme college life - of things I can't even begin to explain - to youth camp, which is the extreme religious life. I am going to be so confused by the end of this summer. 05/10/2014 - 10:42 PM
This year at college has been a really interesting one. I have learned so much and a lot but I didn't expect to. I went to parties, I started talking to a boy, I learned how to live with people. I really started talking to a boy. One that I really, really like. This is the first time that I've felt a connection with a guy. He makes me laugh and he gets me and he knows my instincts. I experimented in college and I don't know if I am going to continue when I come back or stop, I don't know. The community I grew up with says it's wrong but I am happy so... I don't know. For the first time ever, I made real friends that I can come back in four months and be excited to see and them feeling just as close to me. I made friends who care about me and want what's best for me. I've moved around so much in my life that I never really made friends but coming into college, everyone was new, everyone was stating at the same time so I really got the chance to make friends that will last for a lifetime I hope. I have really learned a lot more than I can even explain. I got involved in clubs. Words cannot even explain how I feel. I feel like I belong finally and I never knew I didn't belong before until I actually experienced what belonging is. I had so much drama this year with Mia and Esther and Kiara. I had real issues and I had things that made me genuinely upset. In high school, I never really had issues but coming to college, things changed and I really have changed - my mindset has changed, how I view life has changed, the things that I do have changed. Me a year ago is not the same person I am now. I'm so much more insightful and I think more and I'm less naive than I used to be. I can't even explain how I changed. Almost 11 months ago, I came to college as a freshman who had never tried anything. I dealt with parties, dealt with the things in parties, I dealt with friends, I dealt with living with people, I dealt with being away from home, with birthdays away from home, with coming home to visit. And now, I am sitting in my freshman dorm, everything packed up all by myself, and I'm ready to go but I want to be a freshman again. The freshman experience... I really had the freshman experience. I feel so quiet and lonely in my dorm now. We were altogether and now the entire freshman class scatters around campus and off-campus. I just feel like life is going by so fast and I don't want to. I want to appreciate this time. This is the first time I feel like I belong, first time where a boy and me have really clicked, the first time I've had real true life experience and it's going back so fast, I don't want it to go by fast. I don't know if I could say I grew up a lot this year but I have changed and I'm happy with how I am. Even if I make the choices that I do, doesn't make me less of a person, less of a human. I've made these choices and I can go back anytime. I'm not turning my back on anything - just trying things out, experiencing what life has to offer. And I personally think there's nothing wrong with that. I feel like I have so much more to say. I feel like there's all this emotion inside me... just feeling.. but I don't know what to say. Why do I feel this way now that freshman year is over? I think it really is that this is the first time where I feel like I belong and I fit in place and of course any college I go to would have that same experience but I'm happy where I am and this feels so good to be part of something right from the start. Being part of something, having something and believing in something that you love, doing well and being happy... that's what matters. I guess this is a really big turning point in my life. I don't know where I'm turning, I don't know what the turning point is, but I feel change. I was fine throughout the year, but now I just feel changed like life is passing me by. But I'm getting involved, I have an internship lined up and I'm doing things. It just feels like I'm missing something and I feel like the part that I'm missing is here now as a freshman in college being able to experience things because everyone else is going through the exact same thing. Love. I feel like love is such an important word. Love each other. I don't know what I said that. |
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